What they mean when they say...

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish ... 49

Adventurous ... Slept with everyone

Athletic ... No breasts

Average looking ... Ugly

Beautiful ... Pathological liar

Contagious Smile ... Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure ... On medication

Feminist ... Fat

Free spirit ... Junkie

Friendship first ... Former slut

Fun ... Annoying

New-Age ... Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned ... No BJs

Open-minded ... Desperate

Outgoing ... Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate ... Sloppy drunk

Professional ... Bitch

Voluptuous ... Very Fat

Large frame ... Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate ... Stalker



WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want..

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?



MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay